10 Things You Should Eat Every Day/When Birds Attack

According to an article Trent recently read, there are 10 foods you should eat every day.  Do we do this?  Not always.  Should we do this?  Yes. 

“Why am I in a blog dedicated to healthy diet and exercise?”


Now, I bet you want to know why you should incorporate these specific foods into your daily diet, don’t you?  I know I would.  But before I get into that, I need to share a little story that is completely unrelated to this topic, and I only just thought of it because I looked out the window and saw my kids poking a dead bird with a stick, which reminded me of my bird story.  If this digression bothers you, feel free go directly to the list of foods, which is here.  If you’re cool with disjointed, discombobulated, disassociated and disawhatever thoughts, keep reading.

So Trent and I went to Chicago last summer, on our first real grown-up trip.  My dad came up to stay with the kids for the weekend, and like giddy teenagers (or parents who’ve been handed a kid-free weekend) we took off for Shy Town.  I won’t bore you with details about the demented lady on the airport shuttle or the restaurant called China Ho that I couldn’t stop giggling about.  But what I do need to mention is this delightful creation they have up there called the Chicago style hot dog.

These hot dogs are magical.  I’m not exaggerating.  They are the most amazing weiners in the world, and they kick the deep dish pizza’s ass.   I could probably dedicate an entire post to this miracle food, but I won’t do that to you.  I’m nice like that. (And yes, I do realize the irony of writing about this in post that’s supposed to be about healthy foods you should eat daily, fyi.) 

Anyway, back to the story….it was a beautiful July day, we had our hot dogs, and we had just settled down on a park bench to enjoy them.  I took my first bite and felt like I’d been transported to some otherworldly place where unicorns sparkled and leprechauns danced and hot dogs were healthy.  And maybe I had, except this place also had evil, killer birds who would stop at nothing to get a bite of your hot dog. 

The first attack happened right around my third bite.  Blissfully unaware of the impending danger, I was savoring the hot dog flavors when out of nowhere – BAM! 

“Bleeeeckkk!!!!! What the hell was that?!” I shrieked.  Only it sounded like, “Bleeeeckkk!!! Bwaht duh haaaallll fhaz fat?!”on account of all the food in my mouth.  Trent just ignored me.  Typical.  Then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a bird land on the ground a few feet away.  He had a menacing look on his face.  I glanced around and saw several more birds in the tree right behind me, and they were all giving me the stink eye.  Trent was still completely oblivious.

“That was weird,” I thought to myself.

So I went for another bite, chiding myself for being such a weenie (Get it? Weenie? Har dee har har…).  I chomped down on my food (and really, I think this was my fatal mistake), and one of the kamikaze birds dive bombed the back of my head.  And you know what?  A bird flying into the back of your head at full speed really hurts.  It does.  And I’m not a weenie (okay, I’ll stop with the hilarious weiner jokes).  These bird weren’t, like, little finches or something.  They were decent sized birds….probably bulked up from stealing tourists’ hot dogs.  This time, my shriek was accompanied by me jumping out off the bench and flailing my arms like a maniac, which was good, because then Trent noticed.

“Uh….what are you doing?” he asked.

“Ohmygod!!!! Did you see that?!!? Did you see what that bird just did to me?!? The birds are crazy!!! And they’re trying to steal my food!!” I very calmly replied.

Of course, all I really cared about was them trying to steal my hot dog. I wasn’t worried about the puncture wound in my head (okay, fine, maybe there wasn’t really a puncture wound, but still….a beak ALMOST pierced my scalp.  Clearly, the only solution was to leave, which I insisted we do immediately.

This poor soul was attacked by the mutant birds while trying to scale a nearby cliff.

“But I’m not done with my hot dog,” Trent said.

His words had no effect on me. I could see the birds gearing up for another attack, and I was done with that bad, bad place and its evil winged inhabitants.  So me and my hot dog started walking.  The birds, though, weren’t through with me yet.  They followed silently, tracking my every move….I would speed up my pace, they’d speed up theirs.  Persistent little bastards, I thought.  Then, something caused them to change course.  I looked behind me and noticed another couple settling in on the bench with their hot dogs, and the birds slowly reclaiming their former positions. 

I laughed all the way back to our hotel.  Suckers……

Well.  That ended up being waaaaayyy longer than I thought…and all because my kids just had to mess around with a dead bird right outside my window.  Yes, I blame them.   If you’ve read all this, you are to be admired.  And if you still want to know about the 10 foods to eat every day, you most certainly can….but it’s now in a post entitled “10 Things You Should Eat Every Day: Part II.”  It’s here.  Sorry.


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