Little Turds

I love my kids.  I love them more than life.  I love them more than I ever thought I could possibly love anyone or anything.  I love them when they’re good, when they’re ornery, when they’re disrupting the peace, barging in on me in the bathroom, spilling milk and soggy cereal in between my couch cushions, barfing in my lap….okay, you get the picture. 

Look at these pictures I found today from a few years ago.  Look at my girls:

That was six years ago.  Look at their round little faces!  Look at their wispy baby hair! Look at the snot running out of my youngest girl’s nose!  Sniff, sniff.  Sometimes I miss those days, snot and all.

Here they are now:

Look at this little turd:

My heart is melting.  That was about five years ago.  Here’s my baby now:

Personally, I like the food smeared on his face and the stickers clustered in the middle of his shirt.  It reminds me that he’s still my baby.  That way, when he says things like, “You’ve got to be kidding me, Mom,” when I put salad in front of him, I know he’s not REALLY a teenager, he just sounds like one sometimes.  Thank you, Disney Channel shows. 

Anyway, I love my little turds.  But, what I do not love, is the daily battle I have with them (namely, one of them) to eat their food.  I don’t care if it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner, my dining table becomes a battlefield that any person with half a brain cell would steer clear of.  I know this happens in a lot of households, and if you’ve found a way to avoid it, TELL ME.  NOW.  Because threats and bribes really don’t work.

I gotta say, though, ever since we started this whole eating healthy business, my kids have become ten times more open to trying new foods.  Personally, I think it’s because Trent destroyed their tastebuds when he made them try his Poop Juice, but that’s just my scientific opinion.  It might be, though, that since we’ve cut out all the processed shiz and they’re eating REAL food, they’re feeling better and realizing that fruits, veggies, whole grains, and lean meats actually taste really good.

Here’s a sample of what they eat for breakfast MOST mornings:

  • Fruit and veggie smoothie (contains: soy milk, yogurt, flax seed oil, carrots, cucumber, spinach, banana, apple, mixed frozen fruit, frozen blueberries)
  • Oatmeal with cinnamon and pure maple syrup OR honey

Sometimes, we swap out the oatmeal for toast with peanut butter and banana slices, or Kashi cereal, or if I’m feeling ambitious, I’ll make them little breakfast sandwiches with egg whites, spinach, turkey bacon, and mozzarella. 

During the week, I pack their lunch because the school lunches consist of a crap entree with two sides of junk.  I’m sorry, but fried mozzarella sticks as a main dish with a scoop of corn and a Capri Sun should not be considered a well-rounded and nutritional lunch.  So here’s what they get instead:

  • Water (yes, I force them to drink water instead of a juice box)
  • Half sandwich (whole wheat bread, alternate natural peanut butter and jelly with turkey and spinach/Romaine lettuce)
  • Baby carrots (sometimes I add tzatziki sauce)
  • Fruit (apple, banana, orange, applesauce, etc.)
  • 2 dark chocolate pieces

They are the envy of all their peers.  Not.  But guess what? They actually eat it.  And……they like it.  Or they claim to anyway.  I don’t think they’re lying, but they’ve pulled a couple of fast ones on me before.  They figured out a long time that, in spite of what I had claimed, I can’t see and hear everything they do and say, even at school.

For dinner, they eat what we eat.  Our rule is that they have to at least try everything.  If they absolutely hate it, I’m not going to force them to eat it.  (Storytime…one time when I was about five, my ex-stepmom forced me to eat creamed corn.  I told her I loathed creamed corn, and that I absolutely detested the texture of it, and that if I ate anymore of it I would vomit.  I used those exact words too.  “Too bad,” the she-demon said.  “You’re not leaving this table until it’s all gone.”  So I ate every bit of it, then prompty turned and barfed all over her.  I won.)  Anyway, I won’t force my kids to eat stuff they hate, and I will provide healthy alternatives if they’re really struggling.  I don’t wanna get spewed on.  Plus, I like to see these happy faces:

I sure do love these little turds.

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2 comments so far

  1. dad on

    My favorite post so far

  2. Mrs. Breckenridge ;-) on

    I love these pics and i need to find a way for you to quit your job and write full time. Really.


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