Embarrassing Moments in P.E., Part II

The humiliation saga continues…

As you probably gathered from my last P.E. post, time spent in the gym with Coach was not always pleasant for me.  It often involved pain, trauma, embarrassment, bruises, concussions, tears, people laughing, and did I mention embarrassment and laughing schoolchildren?  ‘Cause that was a pretty big factor for me. 

One such moment included those little four-wheeled wooden scooters that we did relay races on.  Do you guys remember those?  They looked like this:

I loved these scooters.  I would get so excited when scooter day came, because seriously, what kid doesn’t love parking their butt on one of these things and flying across the floor, crashing into their friends and whatnot?  I know I did…..crashing being the key word there.  What I didn’t know, however, was that the fun little scooter could also cause considerable pain and embarrassment for clumsy children with unruly, ass-length hair like myself.  Unruly, ass-length hair?  Why is that mentioned, you ask?  Well….let’s just say it played a significant role in the events that transpired on that memorable scooter day.

I honestly can’t remember what grade this happened in, but it was before the end of 4th grade when I decided that my hair was a hazard to my health and chopped it off.  So it was scooter day, and me and all the other kids were paired up and given a scooter to take turns on.  Elementary-age kids hate taking turns, by the way.  But I’m sure you knew that already.  You probably also knew that I, like any other kid, hated taking turns.  I still kind of do, actually.  Maybe if I had been a more amiable child who was happy to let my long-haired partner go first, I could have avoided this whole incident.

So for this exciting scooter activity, we were told to lie on our stomachs on the scooters, pushing ourselves along with our hands while we raced to the other side of the gym.  (If you recall, racing across the gym usually ends badly for me.)  Before getting situated on the scooter, I decided to play it safe and tuck my hair into the back of my shirt.  Scrunchies didn’t make an appearance until a few years later, so I didn’t have one readily available on my wrist.

I settled onto my scooter, once again eager to impress Coach, this time with my mad scooter skillz.  He blew the whistle, and I began furiously pushing myself along.  Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, went my arms.  Oblivious to everything but the scooter flying across the gym floor, I didn’t notice that my long hair had snuck out the back of my shirt….and into the wheels of the scooter.   In approximately 2.4 seconds, I had a vintage 4-wheel wooden scooter securely attached to my head.  Sadly, I am not talking about just a little tangle down at the ends of my hair.  I am talking about a SCOOTER STUCK TO MY HEAD.  About 12 inches of hair had managed to wrap itself around the wheels, and a pretty good section of it, too.

Of course, I noticed this immediately, thanks to the searing pain on the right side of my scalp.  There’s a reason girl fights always involve hair pulling – the sh*t hurts!  Gingerly, I stood up, holding the scooter high up next to my ear.  Coach was in his adjoining office, so I headed his way.  I would’ve hung my head in shame, but that was kind of difficult to do with a 16″x16″ scooter lodged in your hair.  I peeked inside.

“Um…Coach?” I asked.

“Yes?” he replied without looking up.  Then, he finished what he was reading, and raised his eyes.  “How the…….?????”  He had no words.  I can understand.  I didn’t really either.

He simply got out his scissors.  There was nothing to really explain anyway.  He tried to salvage as much of my hair as he could, but I can tell you that there was a decent-sized chunk of hair missing, which added a whole new dimension to the layered look.  I wish I could remember what my parents said when I got home that night, but to be honest, they were probably starting to become accustomed to these situations and decided it may be best not to comment.  I’m just glad they didn’t decide to take pictures.

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1 comment so far

  1. Pippa on

    I don’t mean to, but I can’t seem to stop laughing. :-)


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