Chocolate Cake, a Teensy Bit Healthier

So my middle child turned eight last week.  EIGHT.  I’m still in shock.  In just 10 short years, she’ll be considered an adult, which is terrifying to me for a multitude of reasons.  I don’t even want to think about it, to be honest, so let’s just look at this picture instead:

She was two then.  TWO.  Wah!  I miss those days with the princess tiaras and cheap plastic necklaces.  Now it’s all “I want real earrings, Mom, not cheap baby ones” and “Can I get this Justin Bieber poster?” and “Can you record me singing this Taylor Swift song so I can post it on YouTube?”  Um…..no.  To all of it.  I need you to be my baby.  And if you want to argue, then this might happen:

By the way, I will get to the chocolate cake. I haven’t forgotten.   In fact, I’m leading up to it…this is all part of my master plan. 

But I’m not done reminiscing yet.  Sorry.

Look at this one.  I love this one.  That’s a wish flower, in case you didn’t know.  That’s what she told me, anyway, and don’t anyone try to tell her it’s a weed.  She ain’t havin’ it.  

Okay, this is the last one, I promise.  Behold:

How inappropriate.  What mother would take a photo of her young daughter touching a horse statue’s junk?  Geez.  Some people.

On that note, let’s move on to the cake.  So my 8-year old baby asked for a chocolate cake for her birthday.  Naturally, I can’t deny this request, nor do I want to.  Chocolate cake is one of the great loves of my life.  I found this recipe online for what I have come to believe is the world’s best chocolate cake.  It’s light yet dense (does that make sense?), incredibly moist, and really, really chocolatey.  Best of all, it’s super easy to make.  Now, as much as I hate to alter this recipe in any way, I can’t be eating something that is 4,200 calories per slice.  I just can’t be like that anymore.  So….sigh….substitutions were made. 

Here’s what you need:

Yes, that is a box mix.  I’m lazy.  Deal with it.  Okay, so we’ve got fat free sour cream, a box of chocolate cake mix, a package of chocolate pudding,  eggs, applesauce, vanilla, water, and chocolate chips.

Set your oven to 350, and grease and flour a Bundt pan.  Or a regular pan.  Whatever makes you happy.  Dump the cake mix into a large mixing bowl.

Then add the pudding.

Pour in the applesauce.  I promise this will not affect the flavor, other than to make it more moist and rich.

Oh, and I don’t know what was going on with my camera.  It was being weird, and these pictures kinda suck.  I think you’ll still get the idea, though. 

Add four eggs.

Pour some hot water into this mess of goodness.

Now we’re going to up the moistness level even more, because it’s the right thing to do.  Put in a cup of sour cream, and start preparing yourself for obscene deliciousness.

Just one more ingredient to complete this masterpiece….vanilla.  Dump it in.

Now, mix it all up.  Get in there and really beat the crap out of it.  Just kidding.  There’s no need to be violent.  Just mix it thoroughly, until it looks something like this:

Might as well make it even better by adding some chocolate chips, right?  That kind of summarizes my entire outlook on life, actually.  Just add chocolate, and things will be better.  We’re going with about half the bag here, friends.

Mix it up, then stick in a spoon and pull a big glob out.  Eat it.  Repeat.  Repeat again, but this time you gotta stop for real, because the threat of salmonella lurks. 

Pour the batter into your prepared Bundt pan, and stick it in the oven for 50-60 minutes.  If you’re using another kind of pan or making cupcakes, adjust your cooking time.  (Hint: it will be less.)

Warning: the aromas that fill your house will be heavenly.  They will make you hungry.  They will make you salivate.  They will fill your mind with images of happiness.  You may enter a zombie-like trance where you lose all control of your will power and eat the other half of the chocolate chips.

Just wanted to give you a heads up.

Oh my.  Fresh out of the oven.  If I hadn’t already consumed so much chocolate at this point, I have no doubt that I would’ve just grabbed a fork and had at it.  No doubt at all.

Okay, so let it cool, then carefully turn it out onto whatever dish you’re going to store it in.

Hello, gorgeous.  I want to eat you.  As Bill would tell Sookie, “You are mine.”  Sorry, I just got Season 3 of True Blood and I’ve been watching it obsessively.  And, in all honesty, the cake is not mine.  It’s my daughter’s.  Boo.

Now, grab a can of store-bought frosting and pop it in the microwave for 30ish seconds.  Please be sure to remove the foil covering on it.  Bad things happen if you don’t, and I speak from experience.  Give it a good stir, and pour it on the cake.  This is how lazy people such as myself frost a cake.

Now take whatever chocolate chips you didn’t eat, and sprinkle them on the top.

Mmmm….you guys, this cake is so yummy.  And yeah, so maybe it’s not totally healthy, but the fat free sour cream and the applesauce in place of the oil have to count for something, right?  No?  Fine.  Be that way.

This kid didn’t mind:

Chocolate Cake:
1 box chocolate cake mix
1 package chocolate pudding
1 cup applesauce, no sugar added
4 eggs
1/2 cup hot water
1 cup fat free sour cream
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup chocolate chips

Mix all ingredients except chocolate chips on low speed until thoroughly combined.  Fold in chocolate chips.  Pour into prepared pan and bake at 350 degrees.  Cooking times will vary depending on what pan you use.  Refer to the instructions on the cake mix box.  Use the toothpick test to determine doneness.

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