New Pots! New Pans! My Life is Complete

Okay, so first of all, I want to say sorry that I haven’t posted anything in like 10 years.  I know that all 6 of you who read this are disappointed, and for that, I am really sorry.  I hope we can still be friends.

Now, let’s talk about my new pots and pans!  I can’t even fully express how excited I was to get these.  Getting new stuff for my kitchen is one of my favorite things in life, but being able to replace my old, hand-me-down, cancer-causing Teflon pots and pans tops it all.  Seriously, folks, I nearly cried from sheer joy.  I had this one pot that I was using, and the Teflon was starting to chip off, so whenever I’d cook something in it, little black flakes would end up in the food.  Luckily, it just looked like coarsely ground pepper.  When we’d have company over for dinner, I’d make sure our guests actually saw me putting extra pepper in the dish so there would be no questions asked.  Isn’t that awful?

All right, so I wanted to make sure that what I was buying was good, high quality cookware that would (hopefully) last me a lifetime.  I was pretty sure I wanted stainless steel, and the name that kept popping up as the best was All-Clad.  So I looked it up, and then I nearly shat myself when I saw the price.  I was filled with sadness.  In fact, I was in such a state of despair that I composed a short poem:

Damn you, makers of All-Clad.
I wanted your pots and pans so bad.
Sadly, I cannot afford your shit,
Now I will look at your competition a bit.

So I did.  And it was…..eh.  I mean, it was fine, I guess.  But I have a really bad habit of setting my sights on something, and then nothing else will do.  So finally I just accepted the inevitability of the situation, and I headed to the nearest Bed, Bath, and Beyond to check out the merchandise.

And, friends, I am so glad I did…..because their All-Clad set was ON FREAKING SALE!!!!  I am not kidding when I say that an ethereal light shone down on that display, harps sounded, and doves soared into the air.  My joy became even more profound when I saw a sign that said if I buy the set, I get a FREE! lasagna pan, oven mitts, and cookbook.  I’m pretty sure I shrieked in delight, and Trent found that to be an appropriate moment to leave the cookware section and pretend he didn’t know me.

Anyway, I floated out of the store.

So we got home, and I made everyone leave so I could have some alone time and play with my new toys.  Naturally, I had to document the whole process with my camera.

Sigh.  Just look at it, waiting to be opened.  You can imagine my anticipation.  This is how my kids must feel at 5 a.m. on Christmas morning, only I didn’t have to deal with grumpy adults that don’t want to get out of bed yet.

I carefully pulled each piece out, removing the packaging, inspecting it, marveling at its beauty.  Then I noticed something else.

Tom Freaking Brady personally inspected my pots and pans.  I had no idea this is what NFL players did in the off season.

“Enjoy your cookware,” it says.  Why, thank you, Tom, I most certainly will.

Just look at it.  Isn’t it gorgeous?  So clean, so shiny, so perfectly crafted. I think I feel another poem coming on.

Your layered-metal bonding has impressed me so;
With you, I will cook lots, yo.
I’m so glad I found you at a discounted price,
Or there would still be black flecks in my rice.
All-Clad, you complete me.

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7 comments so far

  1. Pippa on

    That is the biggest box of pots and pans I’ve ever seen, but they ARE gorgeous.
    I can hardly wait to hear how much cleaning them sucks. ;-)

  2. patience0420 on

    You freakin crack me up. Now I want some. Damn you Chandra!

  3. Sara on

    Hi There – I applaud the idea of creating a safer home, and because there’s so much misinformation out there about the Teflon® brand, I’m not surprised that you are concerned. I’m a representative of DuPont though, and hope you’ll let me share some information with you and your readers, so that everyone can make truly informed decisions.

    In regards to PFOA and cancer – The weight of evidence gathered from a number of significant health studies continues to indicate to us that there is no health risk to the general public from exposure to PFOA. Additionally, no authoritative body has designated PFOA as a human carcinogen. The U.S. EPA stated that it is premature to conclude that PFOA causes cancer. For more information, please visit http://www.epa.gov/oppt/pfoa/pubs/pfoarisk.html. http://www.teflon.com/Teflon/teflonissafe and http://www.pfoa.dupont.com can provide you with additional information.

  4. D on

    Very nice cookware Chandra!


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