The Best Double Date EVER

So a couple months ago, Groupon had this deal for 2-for-1 tickets to the Kansas City Ghosts and Gangsters tour, and any time I see the words “ghost” and “tour” in the same sentence, I freak out and buy it or sign up for it or do whatever it takes to be involved in it.  I love love LOVE ghost stuff….stories, tours, ghost hunts, whatever, I’m down for it.  Unfortunately, Trent doesn’t feel the same way…..but too bad for him. 

So I called up my sister-in-law to see if she wanted in on this sweet Groupon deal.  This is her, by the way:

Look at Miss Thang.  She ain’t afraid of no ghosts.

So anyway, I called her up.  It went like this:

Me: “OMG, OMG, guess what’s on Groupon?!?!?”
Her: “Weeee!!!! What?!”
Me: “Tickets to the KC Ghosts and Gangsters Tour! Wanna go?!?!”
Her: “Weeee!!!!”

Okay, that’s not exactly how it went, but you get the gist.  There was a lot of excited squealing from both of us because we were envisioning a night out without kids, alcoholic beverages, and spooky stories.  It’s like the perfect storm.

So after waiting for two long, long months, the day of the tour finally arrived.  Naturally, a huge storm had knocked out our power and it was like 200 degrees outside, so I looked a hot mess by that evening when we were supposed to head out.  Thank God for borrowed showers and my 13-year old nephew’s AXE body wash….and that’s all I’ll say on that topic.

Anyway…..

We headed down to Ponak’s, this fun little Mexican place on Southwest Boulevard.  If you haven’t gone there, put it on your to-do list.  The food is great, the drinks are strong, and the people are super friendly.   I would’ve taken pictures of our food, but then I would’ve gotten way off topic and gone off on a tamale and enchilada tangent, and this post would be like 9,000 words long.  And we just don’t need that.  So just go to Ponak’s and get your own enchiladas and tamales, okay?

After stuffing ourselves to the point that one of us who shall remain unnamed seriously considered unbuttoning her jeans, we headed down to the tour’s starting point….the Edge of Hell (please read that in a dark and ominous voice followed by evil laughter), now known as the Chambers of Edgar Allen Poe.  Okay, does anyone else thinks this sounds way less scary?  The Chambers of Edgar Allen Poe?  Really?  Why not just call it the Bedroom of a Well-Known Poet?  Or the Stomping Grounds of an Alcoholic Who Married his Teenage Cousin?  I mean, the Edge of Hell is way cooler.  But whatever.  This is what happens when I’m not in charge.  MISTAKE.

So we pull up, and here’s our mode of transportation for the evening:

Imagine my complete excitement upon seeing this.  Now imagine Trent’s complete non-excitement.

While Trent does appear to be slightly smiling in this picture, he’s really smirking at the completely outlandish idea of him climbing aboard that absurd bus.  In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s reaching for something to smack me with for forcing him to take part in this tour.  Brett, meanwhile, can only cover his face in shame.

Anyway, once inside the Edge of Edgar Allen’s Bedroom or whatever it’s called, there were lots of interesting people.  I really liked this guy:

And Trent thought this man was very intriguing on account of his freakishly long arm that could rotate and twist in a very unnatural manner:

We never could get Tracey to come inside and meet these folks, though.  The bus just held too much fascination for her.

Finally, much to Tracey’s delight, they let us on the bus.  I should probably mention that there were a whopping 12 people, including us, on this tour.  I think it’s a pretty popular event.  I honestly don’t know why more people aren’t interested in this stuff, especially when you have folks like this running the show:

Please take a close look at the guy on the right.  Please look beyond his white body paint, slouchy hat, and unkempt shoulder-length gray hair, and observe his eyes. 

Yes, they are are all white, and yes, they creeped me out, and yes, I stared at them until Trent elbowed and stage whispered, “Stop!”  I kind of have a staring problem.

So, after turning on some spooky mood lighting and talking about something for a really long time, the guide finally got started.  I was on the edge of my seat.  Trent was not.

One of the first stops was St. Mary’s Church where the ghost of Father Jardine still makes his presence known.  Mr. Scary White Eyes told us that Father Jardine’s ghost hangs around because he’s trying to clear his good name.  Apparently, his death was ruled a suicide, which is a pretty big no-no for church people, and Father J was not happy with that determination.  So he’s lettin’ us all know.  I have proof, too; check out this picture of him:

There.  Can you see him in the upper left corner of the photo?  He clearly decided to come out and convince the non-believers of the group (i.e., Trent and the other guy whose girlfriend dragged him along too) that ghosts do exist.

Trent was not convinced, nor was he impressed with my orb photo.  Whatever.

At least SOME people were into it:

We made a lot more stops along the way, including some historic cemeteries, the Savoy Hotel, the Lyric Theater, and then………wait for it……..the Sauer Castle.

EEEEEKKKKKK!!!!

I get all tingly and shrieky just thinking about this place.  Let me give you a little background about this extremely creepy-ass place.  First, a picture:

Okay, first of all, if this doesn’t look scary to you, then you’re not normal.  You’re probably not even human.  Second, clearly I did not take this picture, as our tour took place at night and it was completely dark when we saw the castle and I couldn’t get a good photo.  I will say, however, that this is one of the spookiest places in KC, day or night.  I’ve been here a few times before, and every time I get a mad case of the heebie-jeebies.  Seriously, you could not pay me to spend the night in that house.  Well….maybe you could.  If the price was right.  And I had 1,000 watt light bulbs on all night long.  And about 20 other people (preferably male, preferably muscular and attractive) stayed the night with me.  Oh, and I’d need a couple dogs or cats, too.  Animals are very sensitive to paranormal activities and would be able to alert me if an entity was in the room.

Anyway.

CREEPY place.  So we pull up, and by now it’s probably around 11 p.m.  Our guide warns us that this is not a place you’d ever want to be caught trespassing on, as a psychotic madman (not really….well, maybe) serves as the caretaker and keeps watch of the premises.  In addition to an array of weapons that he apparently wields, he also has several large and aggressive dogs that know exactly what “eat that person alive” means.

Right as we’re about to exit the bus for a photo op, we hear BAM! BAM! BAM!

Gunshots, rang out like a bell, I grabbed my nine all I heard was shells….

Whoa.  Yes, I really just rapped some Ice, Ice Baby lyrics.  You just got Vanilla Iced.  Please forgive me.

There really were gunshots though.  And they were very, very close to our bus.  Suddenly, a spotlight shined on the bus, and it was coming from the caretaker’s house.  ‘Oh shit,’ I thought, ‘If that guy comes on here with a machete, Trent’s really going to be unhappy with this tour……Oh well!  Better go get some pictures!’  and I nearly leapt off the bus in my haste to be closer to the scary place.

Unfortunately, none of my Sauer Castle pictures turned out, but we did have some excitement once we got back on the bus.  The crazed, crotchety caretaker (ah…alliteration) climbed aboard to tell us that what we heard were just 9 mm shots, and we shouldn’t be concerned.

Gee.  Thanks for clearing that up.

Brett was not happy about nearly being shot at; Trent was not happy about me running off the bus for pictures; I had not a care in the world and was just excited to be in the vicinity of a supernatural hotspot; and Tracey was just all weeeee!!!!!!

And thus concluded our tour.

All in all….it was fun.  I would recommend it to anyone who has interest in that subject matter.  Yes, there were parts that were maybe a little hokey, but overall it was fun, different, and it got me out of the house for the night to hang out with some good friends.  And we kind of sort of almost not really got shot at. It really doesn’t get any better than that.

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1 comment so far

  1. Tracey on

    Chandragupta, you never fail to entertain! We had a complete blast on The Best Double Date EVER!


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