Sweet Salsa and Holy Guacamole

I have no idea why I titled this “Sweet Salsa and Holy Guacamole.”  I mean, yeah, the salsa is pretty sweet, and maybe someone in the world would think the guacamole has reached a level of holiness, but honestly, I have no idea.  I just type the first thing that pops into my brain, which is kind of dangerous.  But I like to live on the edge like that.  And sometimes I’m just weird.

So we went to a cookout last weekend, and I decided to whip up a batch of salsa, or pico de gallo, or whatever you want to call it.  Then I thought, “WTH, I’ll make some guac, too.”  I even said the letters “WTH” instead of “what the hell.”  Sometimes I’m weird, remember?

Here’s everything you need:

Tomaters, onion, garlic, cilantro, lime, jalapenos, and salt and pepper.  Oh, and pretend there are several avocados in there as well.  And another lime.  Thank you for your cooperation.

Now we just chop everything up.  You could probably use a food processor if you like, but my FP is of the crappy variety, and I don’t trust it.  I didn’t want runny salsa, and I thought using that might result in runniness.  And that would’ve just ruined my day.  So I got to choppin’.

That was tomatoes, onions, jalapenos, and cilantro in case you couldn’t tell.  But you could tell, I know it.  There’s just no fooling you.  Now peel and chop your garlic, or peel it and use a garlic press like I did.

Yummo.  I put in lots of garlic, and you can too.  Or not.  This is why I love making stuff like this.  You can tweak it however you want, adding as much or as little of stuff you like/don’t like.  Me, I went a little nuts on the garlic.  Oh well.

Now just squeeze in some lime juice, and add some salt and pepper before mixing it all up.

Isn’t that pretty?  I think it is.  And pretty is a very important part of food, if you ask me.  Now put it aside so the flavors can mix and mingle and get better acquainted.  You might need to tell them to get a room.

Meanwhile, grab some avocados.  I don’t know about y’all, but I love avocados.  Peel them, remove the pit, and mash ’em up.

Look at that green color.  I just love it.  In fact, I feel so moved I think a Haiku is in order:

Green avocado
You make my world a good place
And complete my guac


Green and mushy….yum
Guacamole here I come
I will eat you soon

That’s probably enough, huh?  Yes, I concur.  Let’s get back to it.  Mash up your avocados, but don’t get too crazy with it.  Some chunks are good here.  Once you’ve done that, take the salsa from earlier, and dump some of it in there.  How much you add depends on you.

Mix in the salsa, and add some more lime juice and salt and pepper.  Taste it and see if you need extra of anything.  When it’s perfect, it’ll look like this:

I’m all about perfection.

Salsa (Pico de Gallo, Whatever)
Salt and Pepper

The amounts of these ingredients will vary depending on your taste.  I used about 15 Campari tomatoes, which are kind of smallish, 1 onion, half a bunch of cilantro, 5 garlic cloves, half a lime, 3 jalapenos (with seeds), and God knows how much salt and pepper, but it was probably a lot.  Chop it all up, add the salt and pepper, and mix it together and you’re done.

Salt and Pepper

Peel, pit, and mash the avocados.  Add a generous amount of the salsa, the juice of at least half a lime, and salt and pepper.  Mix.  Write a Haiku and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.


2 comments so far

  1. lovelylici1986 on

    Ummm… YUMMM! This is GENIUS! I haven’t tried it, but I’m pretty sure it tastes awesome. I wonder if I can find jalapeño peppers around here. Hmmm… I’ll have to ask my dad. This post is hilarious. And belly rumble-inducing. Thanks for the hilarity. Not so many thanks for the belly rumbles.

  2. Natalie on

    So now I totally have to make this all this weekend. Only problem is, is that no one in my fam loves all of those tasty ingredients like I do. Guess that means I don’t have to share!!!!!
    On a side note, HAVE FUN GHOST HUNTING! Wish I was that brave, sounds like fun. Your adorable Kylie has been enlightening me on your ghost hunting travels this morning. She is a crack up!

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