These Are Real

This has nothing to do with food or kids or sweatpants or anything else I’m necessarily interested in….and yet, I have to talk about it.  I feel compelled to share these.  Because the truth is, I’m VERY interested in these….these….Shreddies.

First off, let me state that I’m not interested because I suffer from excessive flatulence.  Rather, I’m interested in the concept of these.  I want to know how they work, why they were made, and who in the hell buys them.  That’s all.

So there are several things I find disturbing about this ad.  I hardly know where to focus my attention first.  Let’s start with the headline. Fart With Confidence, it says.  Well, now there’s an interesting grouping of words.  What do people normally fart with?  I mean, I get it that maybe the majority of folks probably aren’t blasting off their gas with confidence, but does that mean that they’re farting with shame?  I’m not sure I buy that either. 

The other feature on the ad that is truly mind boggling to me is, of course, the woman who looks like she’s trying to smell her legpit.  How does that even work?  I get that there are flexible people in the world, and I know what contortionists are.  I think my issue with this picture is that here is an average woman (if you can overlook her flexibility), and she’s lying in grass trying to look sultry, and she’s obviously farting like it ain’t no thing….because she looks pretty confident to me.  Her flatulence is clearly being filtered, hence her relaxed demeanor.  I mean, this is what the makers of Shreddies are trying to tell us, right?  And….are her jeans tight rolled?  I believe they are.

Finally….Shreddies?  When the makers of these fart filters were sitting around trying to come up with a clever name, who said, “Hey! How about Shreddies?!”  I’m just confused.

Okay, so I had to do some investigating about these miracle panties.  Here’s their website if you want all the details, or let me just point out some of the highlights:

  • Excessive flatulence is an embarrassing problem that doesn’t just affect men, but women too.
  • Shreddies use a carbon cloth to filter the rank smell of the foulest flatulence.
  • They also sell Shorties, which are basically fart-filtering boy shorts, for contemporary gals.
  • Anybody who suffers for malodorous and excessive gas can benefit from Shreddies.

Those are just a few of the high points from the website.  There are also pictures, videos, and customer testimonials.

I don’t know, guys, I just think it’s kind of weird.  I hope they’re helping someone, especially since they cost £22.00, which equates to about $36.  Those are some expensive undies in my book, which is unfortunate because those would make a great present for the office gift exchange this Christmas.

Anyway.  I’ll leave you with this.  Here’s to hoping that Bovine Shreddies are the next great invention.

 

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4 comments so far

  1. kateshrewsday on

    A peerless post. I laughed out loud :-D

  2. al on

    I use dryer sheets. Way cheaper.

  3. Tracey on

    Love your commentaries, Chandragupta! And I love me some shreddies! Seriously, great birthday, Christmas, or anniversary gift. Brett might be gettin some 2morrow.

  4. lovelylici1986 on

    Is Shreddies not the name of a cereal?!

    Listen. This is not a lie. I was watching Shark Tank the other night, and an elder couple DEFINITELY was on the show, trying to get funding for flatulence panties. I was confused. They are not sexy. The panties, I mean. No the couple. The couple may have been sexy. Hard to tell. ANYway, I was like, REALLY?! Whooo would buy these pamper-type panties and why would they be necessary? Apparently the wife has Chron’s which made her… Ya know. Still, I didn’t see how it was a marketable, viable idea. *shakes head* What a confusing, over-commoditized (yes, I made that word up) world.


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